“Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.” -Proverbs 90:12


This month’s online parent class is all about schedules and our teen’s time. It is about empowering your teen to say no to controlling schedules. As you watch it, hopefully it will help you do what the verse asks…for God to teach us how to gain wisdom by managing our time (days).
Isn’t that what we want from our pre-teen/teen…to gain wisdom and live a life that is intelligent? Busy schedules, crammed with too many things can quickly overwhelm the most important things and even the most important thoughts. Think about this for a minute…what are your thoughts and your teens thoughts overwhelmed with…wisdom or the next activity on the schedule?
While we feel like we are doing the best things for our child’s future and dreams, are we robbing them of enjoying the present moments?
Watch again and make a list of the helpful hints from the “too-busy” check list and then sit down as a family and pray over your day, weeks, and months. Don’t number them in a way that is packed, but go over your schedule with a red pen, ready to write “No!” on top of a few things.  Here's the link:
vimeo.com/parentministry/review/280521817/dc7eead16a

Do you ever feel like your family is too busy with too much stuff?  Do appointments, practices, games, recitals, meetings and other commitments seem to steal any quality time you COULD have to spend with each other?  If so, you're like MANY families in our busy culture!  It can totally make life seem chaotic and cause you to feel more connected to busyness rather than connected to your family!  But is there any way to remedy this?  Is there any way to keep our sanity and our family in tact?  Not unless we can learn the importance of saying "NO" to some things and empowering our teens to do the same.

While we all seem to live with the new phobia, “FOMO”, the fear of missing out, it is time for us as parents to step back and realize we might be missing out on what matters most.
This month’s Online Parenting Class is all about “Empowering Your Teen to Say No to Controlling Schedules.”
As you process this video as parents and maybe even sit down and watch it as a family, remember a few key things:
– We can’t do everything, but what we can do needs to matter for eternity.
– If we teach our tween/teen to say “No” to busyness, we teach them to learn to say “No” more easily to other things in the future.
– Saying “No” now will open opportunities to saying “Yes” to other things in the future you might have never known.
My heart and prayer is to help you and your family to “Seek First His Kingdom” and that means with your schedule too!
Please check out this week’s online parenting class:
https://vimeo.com/parentministry/review/280521817/dc7eead16a

I truly hope your November is going well and that you are enjoying the Fall season!. I love the Fall season for sure, with the changes in weather and fall activities. God is so amazing as he gives us seasons of weather and of life!!

The season of parenting you probably now find yourself in may not feel so amazing some days. There are changes and shifts happening around your home, I am sure.

One of the changes that happens in this new season of your family is what your teen needs from you. It is a time where you are changing from a season of control to a new season of advice. As your child turns in to a teen, they are becoming more independent and confident.

This is not a bad moment of life, but it is something to think through. That is why I am excited to share this month’s Online Parenting Class. It is all about how parents can make the shift from being in complete control to being a Godly adviser for your teen.

Give it a quick watch. Let me know what you think and if you have any questions. I would love to help you walk through this process and season of life.

Please check out this week’s online parenting class:
https://vimeo.com/parentministry/review/280520423/c49e7ea609

Hey Dads!!! Being a pre-teen/teen dad is a special calling and deserves a God-size round of applause. It also deserves an extra dose of Godly help, so that is why this month, I am sharing some quick, helpful words about dads connecting with their daughters!  There is such great, simple, but powerful wisdom in the steps that were shared. If I may, I want to add on a few questions for our dads (and our moms) to consider that are connected to each of the great hints that were shared. Take some time to think about them and even discuss them as a couple?

• Take them out on simple and fun dates and adventures.
  o Question: Where was your first date? Would you be willing to share that with your daughter?
  o Challenge: Plan a dad-daughter date night that would make your daughter feel special and beautiful!
  
• Have intentional conversations every day. (It’s ok to leverage tech!)
  o Question: When was the last time you sat down with your daughter, just the two of you, and had an intentional heart to heart talk?
  o Challenge: Start a text/messaging feed that goes on for a couple days just sharing the little and big things going on in each other’s day.
• Let them know you love them and they are beautiful as much as possible!
  o Question: Does your daughter know that you think she is beautiful?
  o Challenge: Send your daughter a private message with a picture of the 2 of you together, let her know one reason beyond outward appearance she is beautiful.
• Listen to them when they are hurting.
  o What is hurting your daughter’s heart right now?
  o Challenge: Sit down with your daughter with no cellphones or distractions. Look here in the eyes and listen… really listen to her heart.

Dads (and moms), these pre-teen/teen years are so important for your daughter!! There are only a few years left before they leave the house. Please take and make the time to spend time with them, getting to know them and their true heart.

Happy Dad's Day (a little early)!!  Dads, you are serving a holy and special place in the lives of your children. Being a dad to a pre-teen/teen is a whole new level of faith and fun, so you deserve the honor. Whether you are a dad, a grandfather, stepfather, or an uncle, if you are a man in the life of one our students, I applaud you!!

This month’s Online Parenting Class, is for those men. If you are mom, you are encouraged to watch too! I know for some of our families, mom is also “dad” too.

This month’s video is the reverse of last month’s video for moms and sons. It is for dads and daughters. What a great encouragement and some simple, but powerful, hints for dads to be able to connect to their pre-teen/teen daughter’s heart.

In our world right now, our pre-teen/teen girls are being overwhelmed with a confusing message. I am excited to see the positive movement to make sure that no girl or woman is abused or treated as second class. It continues to break my heart, however, that at the same time there are still music, movies and even commercials that are NOT reflecting God’s view and value of His daughters.

I hope this short video this month helps and encourages both our dads and our moms to make sure to stay connected to their daughter’s heart during these confusing times. Please let me know how I can encourage you, pray for you, or even add on some additional help to the ideas presented in this month’s video!

Please check out this week’s online parenting class:
vimeo.com/parentministry/review/257632682/af60c47729

Moms, how is your relationship with your son? Is it going well, or are you finding it
harder to connect to their heart as they are going older?
Here are 5 steps to connecting/reconnecting to your son’s heart!

• Investing intentional time and doing intentional things with your son is a
  powerful thing. Find the things they enjoy, and do life with them in those
  things!
• Find ways to show your support for your son, and speak words of
  confidence in the good and the bad moments.
• The best way to show your support and be intentional with your time is
  simple…just show up. Presence is powerful in your relationship with your son!
• Moms, you have a voice in your son’s life. Make sure you use it to encourage and not nag. Your voice and care will capture the heart of your son and communicate you care. This will give your son power, confidence, and life.
• The key to all of these things in your ears. You ask your son to listen to you,
  but you also must learn to listen back. It is the only way you will hear his heart.

Let me know how I can help you process and live out each of these steps this month. My door, phone, and email is always open to you as a parent!

In Him,
Matt

Hey, all of you moms out there!!  This is especially for you. Dads, you are welcome to listen in too because next month I will be writing to you. This month’s Online Parenting Class is a special one because it is all about mother-son relationships. A son’s relationship and connection with his mom is a powerful thing. It truly shapes the kind of man he will grow up to be, but it also will influence the kind of father and husband he will choose to be as well.

I love the challenge to “stop trying to protect your boys and instead challenge them toward adventure and self-discovery.” This is a huge truth for us as parents. We want to protect our children and keep them from making mistakes. We know, however, in the moments of falling and getting hurt we learn. This is especially true for boys. Each scrape, bruise, and scar is a life lesson learned.

Moms, look for those teachable moments to connect to the heart of your young man in your home. As he excitedly tells you his story of heroics and adventure, showing off that cut or scrape, don’t react, but rather interact.

I want to let you know that I am praying for moms in specific and real ways this month when it comes to relationships with your sons! I am praying for God to give you words to say, time to spend, and patience to listen!

To check out this month's online parenting class, go here:
https://vimeo.com/parentministry/review/257631869/a84f593d80

The quest for perfection goes back to the beginning of time. We want to be everything to everyone—the perfect friend, the perfect wife or husband, the perfect employee, and yes, the perfect parent. Of course, it’s normal to desire to be loved and to belong, but striving for perfection is a goal that will never be met.
When we hold unattainable expectations about our children, we are bound to be let down and feel like we have failed. If you struggle with this feeling, consider spending some time reflecting on what your expectations are for yourself as a parent. Ask yourself the following questions:
• Am I expecting to never make mistakes? Does this line up with God’s Word? (See Romans 3:23)
• Are my expectations realistic?
• How can I revise my expectations of myself?
The apostle Paul warned Jesus’ disciples about trying to “think more of oneself” than is necessary. He said, “I tell everyone there among you not to think more of himself than it is necessary to think; but to think so as to have a sound mind” (Romans 12:3). Paul encouraged excellence, but not perfection.
Consider what Gigi Graham Tchividjian said about perfectionism:
“We don’t have to be perfect to be a blessing. We are asked only to be real, trusting in His perfection to cover our imperfection, knowing that one day we will finally be all that Christ saved us for and wants us to be.”
Meditate on God’s view of what He expects of you. Ask Him to help you set realistic expectations of yourself as a parent, and to rest in the fact that at the end of the day, you have done enough. Not only that, you are enough. Parenting will be a lot more fun when you let the only One who is perfect have a bit more control!
Raising tweens/teens is not easy, and without realizing it, we can become swept up in trying to control how they turn out. I am praying for you as you consider this topic this month, that God will release you from trying to be more than what He expects you to be, and that you will trust in His perfection.

A well-known myth of parenting is that parenting creates the child: “As the twig is bent, so grows the branch.” Unfortunately, as most parents would admit, this isn’t true. No matter how great a parent you are, how many books you read on the subject of parenting, how many conferences you attend, and how much you pour into your child’s life, there is no recipe for perfect parenting. There are amazing, godly couples who have a child in prison. Pastors have children who are lukewarm toward God or outright agnostic. Did they do something wrong in how they parented?

Rather than striving to be a “perfect” parent, how about striving to be a godly parent—and leave the outcome to the One who made your teen.

There will always be people whose tweens/teens are more obedient, more compliant, more joyful, and more “perfect” than ours. Our job is to be faithful to the task we have been given: to raise the teen under our roof as well as we can, and trust God with the outcome. There is only so much influence a parent can have; we are not sovereign over our teens—only God is.

In her article “The Myth of the Perfect Parent” Leslie Leyland Fields wrote, “It is faith rather than formula, grace rather than guarantees, steadfastness rather than success that bridges the gap between our own parenting efforts, and what, by God’s grace, our children grow up to become.”

My encouragement is that you will embrace this idea as you press on in your parenting. God does not require you to be flawless . . . only faithful.

Please check out this week’s online parenting class:
https://vimeo.com/parentministry/review/224799349/4a6ceb9654

In Him,
Matt

How do you parent yourself so that you can be a better parent to your tween/teen? Does it seem a little strange to even be asked that question? The truth is, we never stop learning and growing, and sometimes parents need to be “parented” a little—especially because no parent was parented perfectly themselves.Olivia Spears wrote, “When we take care of ourselves, we are filled up, renewed and restored to give to others.” Only when we take care of ourselves will we be able to offer the Lord to the people around us, including our tweens/teens.

Taking care of yourself is vital to being able to take care of others. We can’t extend to other people what we don’t have ourselves. There are endless demands on parents today—family, work, friends, church—and if we don’t take the time to reflect on our emotional, spiritual, and physical needs, we will dry up quickly and have nothing left to give others.

Consider how Jesus did this, the perfect model. Many times Jesus retreated from people to rest or be alone or to pray. In Mark 1:35 Scripture says, “Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed.” After being among the crowds and ministering to people for days on end, Jesus withdrew to be filled up, renewed, and restored. Why? To hear from the Father, and to be able to go back out into the world and continue His Father’s work.

In the same way, parents need to guard their spiritual and mental health by withdrawing at times to hear from God and be filled up, renewed, and restored. Then, they will be able to re-enter their “world” of parenting with a new perspective—rejuvenated and encouraged.
Jesus also took the time to sleep. In the middle of a terrible storm on the Sea of Galilee, as his disciples panicked, Jesus took a little nap. He knew the value of rest, and of trusting God for redeeming time lost while sleeping (Matthew 8:23–27). The Psalmist wrote, “For He gives to His beloved even in his sleep.” Taking a simple step like going to be thirty minutes earlier each night, or allowing yourself time to take a twenty-minute nap will do wonders for improved alertness. It will help reduce stress and boost your mood.
The pressures of parenting are great, and these are just two ideas for helping to manage the stress that comes with it. I want to encourage you to examine where you are at right now, and consider how you can take steps to better care for yourself. I am praying for you!

Please check out this week’s online parenting class:

Standing together with you

Matt