I know, I know! I can’t believe it either! School is here again and I don’t remember summer even starting!
Some parents cheer because order reigns again. Others are sad because they are one year closer to graduation. And then there are some of you who are completely conflicted in how you feel. You are glad that a normal schedule begins again, but have a hard time that it has come and gone so quickly. But then hasn’t it at every turn? Every age from infancy on has come and gone as quickly as a wink and sometimes it feels as if we have missed so much of it.

So many firsts, so many onlys, so many times that we swore we would never forget have come and then faded in the busyness of raising those very teenagers!

We are very good at planning and scheduling and mainstreaming and multitasking. For just a moment, be still. Be still enough to hear the crickets with your teen on this late summer night. Be still enough to play a game of checkers and then make the winner’s favorite milkshake. Even be still enough to just listen at the bottom of the stairs as your teen laughs out loud while watching their favorite show!

Psalms 46:10 says, “Be still and know that I am God!” Show your teenager that it is necessary to stop for a moment if only because God commands it. Know that God has created every moment and every moment was created for you. Each moment with your teenager is a gift God has given you. Treasure it because soon this moment will be a memory

Have you caught yourself responding to your teen rather than overreacting at all this month?  If the Online Parenting Course has helped prevent even one argument or diffuse a disagreement then it’s a success.  More importantly, your family has benefitted from your thinking and responding in love rather than the fallout that occurs from confronting their emotion with your emotion!
   
Quick question for you.  How many of your blowouts have occurred over the issue of trust and them earning your trust?  A parent recently shared this with me.  They told their teens (now grown):

“IT IS NOT MY JOB TO TRUST YOU, BUT IT IS YOUR JOB TO TRUST ME, AS THE PARENT, THAT I KNOW WHAT IS BEST FOR YOU.”
  
WOW.  Powerful words.  But of course we want to be able to trust our kids, don’t we?  I have a tool for you that will help you as you strive to build trust in your home.  It’s called the Contract Pack.  In this pack, are “contracts” for the use of several things that teenagers want to have your trust in: cell phones, being home alone, technology, and video games. Here’s a quote from the creator of this pack:

“If you’re like most of the parents that I work with, what you want is to have a teenager that’s trustworthy. So what we have here is an opportunity to create an economy that can make your
family strong.  How does each party get what they want?  To establish a trust economy, you need to communicate to your teenager, “Hey, do you want freedom?  I want to make lots of freedom available to you. But the currency you use to purchase freedom from me is trust. If you can build trust, then you can exchange it for freedom.”  Once that economy is established in your home, it sets a track for your family. A track to help you move toward building a close relationship.  Most of the fighting and bickering is handled when there is an understanding about the trust economy”.


You can find the Contract Pack on the Parent Resource page

This month we are talking about how to RESPOND to your teenager instead of REACTING to your teenager. I am going to suggest to you three quick thoughts that you can go through like a checklist in your head to keep you from losing your temper:

1) Pray this short prayer first: “God give me grace in the moment”. It is impossible to maintain control of your emotion apart from the grace of God, so be willing to ask for it.

2) Ask yourself, “What can I teach them right now?” This thought will keep you focused on the greater parenting task which is teaching them the beliefs and life skills they need to become an adult.

3) Consider the context. What physical changes could be causing this behavior? What relational pressures or circumstances might be fueling your teenager’s emotional response?

Here is a 7 minute video where I share more about understanding the Physical Changes that are going on inside of your teenager. Understanding these changes can give you the context you need to RESPOND instead of REACT to their wild mood swings. Follow this link to watch the video: https://vimeo.com/90047859.  (If you have trouble watching the video, try downloading it. If you still are having trouble watching it, let me know!)